It's half past twelve midnight as I'm typing my keyboard away. I've been keeping my thoughts with me for too long and in need of a platform to pour my feelings out. I usually write posts with the intention to share my views with my audience, but this article serves more as a reminder to myself. 
It started out for the hunt for my dream job. In fact, I've always wanted to start a project I could call my own. For the past three months, I've been collating ideas, working on designs, yet guilty of contemplating on my plans and getting distracted half the time. Many people questioned me on my plans to find a full-time job and get out to the workforce. 

"So you're not planning to further your studies? Why not? You need a degree to survive."

"Have you found a job?"

"Why are you idling at home doing nothing?"

"Just go find an admin job already."

I've always avoided the questions, and made my best effort to slide off the topic, but not today. The answers are pretty straight-forward.

(Source: anna)

I'm picky. (Points: 1, 2, 10, 12)
Ever since I was young, I've never been a workaholic. It takes me time and effort to adapt to certain environments, and apart from my compulsory 15-weeks internship, I have never seen myself continue working for a job that couldn't provide me with the reasons to continue. There are four things that motivate me to work: a meaningful job scope, better pay, friendly colleagues, and one that keeps me happy. You should agree how difficult it is to find one that satisfies all the above. Also, just because you don't see my progress and results for yourself, doesn't mean that I'm idling at home doing nothing. That's rude.

I have bigger dreams. (Points: 3, 13)
What I dislike the most about people who give me their opinions on finding a job is how they try to implant their life stories to me, forcing myself to think that their past experiences are ones that will certainly happen to me too. Frankly speaking, I don't really care about your grandmother stories. People need to understand that we all lead separate lives and hold different dreams. Your success story or failures don't actually define my path, and I will not give the idea up just because you're not supportive of it.

Just so you know...

Of course, there are other minor contributing factors to why I haven't found a full-time job. But before you assume that I'm currently living off my parents, I would like to proclaim that I've stopped taking pocket money since I ended my internship, and am currently feeding off the earnings from my part-time job, which I might talk about in another post in the future.

Also, besides working on my own projects, I've been going for a few castings and interviews that I'm really blessed to have the opportunity to go for. One of the castings included a main supporting role for an upcoming local movie (huge thank you for having me over!), and the other interview gave me the chance to meet the amazing @dreachong in person. I recall this conversation I had with her in the midst of the interview.

*on the topic of the blogging industry*
Andrea: "How do you think you can get yourself to the top?"
Me: "I think I need to lose weight.. Like I'm kinda flabby."
Andrea: *laughs* "Haha, nooo!"

Although I didn't exactly phrase it the best way, what I truly meant was that it's important to feel good in your own skin, but it will be the most ideal to also look good at the same time. I've gotten many comments on how I've lost quite a bit of weight, but it wasn't because I had been exercising or working out. I'm quite the lazy person and have not been getting around to toning my body. I guess this is also why I don't feel as confident about myself and the reason why I should stop lazing and start spending that 15-30 minutes of my everyday improving myself.

Me: "Apart from that, I feel that it's also because I'm not consistent with my blog updates."
Andrea: "Why don't you want to be consistent?"
Me: "I've been trying to work on that for the past few months, but people kept telling me to find a full-time job instead."
Andrea: "So that makes you feel unmotivated, huh?"

And then she told me her side of story and how she first started out with her blog a few years back, about making the first step before coming around to the person she is today. 

"Everyone starts small."

Heels: Mezzy May

She truly felt like a huge source of inspiration to me as she encouraged me to strive better for myself and regain my confidence. This also explains why I mentioned earlier on this article how this serves as a reminder for myself, to work harder and pursue my dreams instead of letting the naysayers affect me. My boyfriend (who is, in fact, really supportive of my ideas) recently said this:

"Thinkers think too much about people's opinions and how the outcome would turn out to be, while doers ― they don't care. They just do. And that is how they find out the actual results." 

So if you (yes, back to you) happen to get stuck in a similar situation in your life, whether it's finding your dream job after graduation, working on a fantastic idea that everyone is against, or simply going for something that you're unsure of, why not just do it? Because after reflecting on my thoughts in this post, it's finally clear to me that killjoys will always have words to bring you down, and they will only be supportive on the day they see the results for themselves. So instead, why not embrace the faith, and make the magic work instead? 

Here's one of my favourite videos from Steve Jobs (I loved the clip at 23:57) that I hope could bring some motivation to you today. Honestly, he's brilliant.

And to all my friends who are still watching this space, thanks for sticking around. x